MARCH GLADNESS

There's a Finnish proverb that states, "Happiness is a place between too little and too much." I thought of this saying as I passed time in an airport shop recently, taking in the array of March magazine covers on display. "Where Is Your Happy?" "Make Today Happier!" "25 Ways to Bring Happiness to Your Life." Whoa. Seriously, over a dozen publications shouting the same message. Are we that effed up? By the time I boarded my flight, I felt a touch inadequate, particularly paranoid. "Surely I'm not in the "too-much bucket," but I am in "too little"?" "Do I think I'm happy?" "How do I know?" "Does being happy I escaped middle-seat-hell on this flight count?" If I were fragile and naive, methinks I'd be slightly suicidal. Damn.

But wait! What is "happy," really? And who decides the definitions? Doesn't this qualify as a subjective concept, based on one's own personal experiences, wants, needs, values, situations, etc., etc.? As I fell into my seat I wondered why now, on the eve of Spring, "happy" was a trending topic at the newsstands. Isn't the end to a dark, icy depressing winter estatically sufficient enough? Can't we make do with the promises of Spring Break, Spring Training and spring flowers? Apparently not. The concept of Spring cleaning has been transformed to include not only the clutter in our closets, but also the messiness in our minds, in our lives.

Only two months ago, many of us became steadfastly resolute about diets, commitments to watch our language, shop less, exercise more...we all know where we are on those personal journeys at this moment. Many of us fell off the rah-rah wagon long ago; Super Bowl weekend is a killer for most plans that involve eating, drinking, smoking, gambling, and a host of other vices. But now, in March, without guilt, "Spring cleaning" can be a checkpoint of sorts, to examine progress and get back on track if need be. A new day, a fresh beginning. And the easiest way to rev up to a new start is to realize the connection between our selves and our space.

Principles of feng shui, an ancient Chinese art defined as the path to happiness and success through one's living and working environments, suggest that clutter drags your energy down. Similar to the ancient art of acupuncture, the goal is to promote free-flowing chi, or good energy. Experts in the practice will tell you that disarray is stagnant and blocks the blessings of positivity, prosperity, harmony and good health. Now, although you don't need a 3,000-year-old science to tell you what your mother used to back in the day ("Clean this damn house or I'm gonna ruin your weekend!"), it's good to know she was on to something. Mama was always a little more mellow when the house was clean...

I propose you work on both your space and self simultaneously. (Hell, time is short these days; we all need to learn the value of multi-tasking.) Dust with diligence: brush dirt from the blinds to welcome the longer, sunnier Spring days (space); blow dust off those old ideas and activities you've set aside, and get moving, be adventurous (self)! Comfort is key: purge old, useless collectibles like clothes that no longer fit, as well as ill-fitting relationships. (Think about it.) Sort through piles rather purposefully: unopened mail creates the same clutter as unchecked memories. File those important, useful pieces and chuck the rest! Go deep and ditch dirty habits, toss toxic behaviors and quit unfulfilling jobs, organizations and affiliations. (Sounding personal, now, hunh?)

You get the idea. "Clean your clutter, change your life." Read like a true cover story feature line! Because the real point is to have more time, energy and maybe even money to do the things that actually make you happy. So try it. Start small. Sing in the shower. Practice yoga. Play with your dog. Volunteer!! Explore new places. Spend time with family. Clean your purse, your desk, your car, your damn house. (Mama said.)

LOVE & BASKETBALL

February. Although it's the shortest month of the year, it sure packs a punch on the event horizon. Not only playing host to the other over-hyped occasion I recently chronicled, but also Black History Month, the Grammys, the Oscars, and lately, even the Super Bowl has managed to slide down the calendar and land squarely on a Sunday during Solmonath. However, the most anticipated merge of the sports and entertainment worlds is an annual NBA ritual known as All-Star Weekend. Sigh. Originally a celebration of the league's best and brightest and their athletic prowess, it's now some of that and a whole lot of "party and bullsh*t..." highlighting some of the worst social behavior and negative stereotypes, especially regarding women.

Don't get me wrong...i'm not a hater. In fact, back in the day, come February, you couldn't find me anywhere else, especially if the chosen locale was blessed with a decently warm climate: Phoenix, Dallas, L.A., et al. Nice late-winter temps signaled the early test-run of a mini that was reserved for Spring Break; a pair of sexy, open-toe sandals or stilettos; or a barely-there six-pack-revealing top (and yes, I said "six-pack;" I have photos for non-believers.). All in the name of, well you know, looking "hot." But for whom? For what? Parading around a club in front of pro ballers and fake-letes: those tall dudes who pose as players to get celeb-level access to girls, clubs, and VIP bottle service? Nah, I'm good now. (My, how my priorities have changed.)

Surprisingly, though, some of my favorite activities of All-Star Weekends past had little to do with the after-parties, hotel lobbies, or kicking it at The Mall. (You thought I was going there, didn't you? Different post, for a different day...) For many years, I volunteered with agencies that staffed the NBA's free- and fan-programs that kick off the All-Star agendas each February, like the Block Party, the Fan Jam and other special events like court and park dedications. I've retrieved wayward Nerf basketballs on small-scale courts for pint-sized point guards; kept the queue from becoming unruly at autograph sessions; and even planted spring blooms in a newly landscaped public playground. Now, truthfully, I initially signed up for these duties as a way to gain entry to some of the events and access to athletes, however, I quickly came to see the value of this service and how the league, its' athletes and employees give back to various communities and causes. Somehow, the service aspect resonated with my own personal basketball jones: I'd been a fan of the game since I was knee-high, thanks to the legion of men in my circle of family and friends who not only played but coached, mentored and trained young athletes. I'd seen countless contests in my life, but the off-court commitment to education, sports participation and community outreach touched me in a very different way than the sport itself. I realized the power of celebrity, the influence of fame, via the vehicle of athletics, and how it could be used for good, rather than evil (like collecting groupies for sport).

Utilizing resources and influence to "give back" is paramount, and while the charitable acts of multi-millionaires may not interest the entire fan base, kids and their families benefit nonetheless. And that can't be a bad thing.

This year, I attended the 60th NBA All-Star Game in Los Angeles; it was thrilling to watch Kobe pick up MVP honors right in his backyard, and witness crowd-rocking performances by Lenny Kravitz, Rihanna and Kanye West. But while I didn't get an opportunity to participate in L.A.-area events such as the Two Kings Charity gymnasium dedication at a Boys & Girls Club or Paul Pierce's inaugural All-Star Health & Fitness Event, hosted by his former high school, I did get in some love & basketball in my own neighborhood before I headed West.

Sports and fitness company Nike declared February 13th as a "Day of Service" at Brooklyn's Taylor-Wythe Community Center. Volunteers from all over the city gathered to prep the aging facility to receive the basketball court used at last summer's World Basketball Festival at Radio City Music Hall. The gym was in need of fresh paint, so Nike put the call out for weekend artists, influencers and painter-types to lend a hand in order for neighborhood kids to realize their hardwood dreams on the same floor graced by USA Basketball team and NBA players Kevin Durant, Rajon Rondo, Russell Westbrook and more. (See the gym's transformation here.) I spent a few hours perfecting my painting technique on a really cool mural drawn on one entire wall of the gym.

As the year moves on, it is my mission to inspire you to be an All-Star in your community. Seek out opportunities to get involved and do some good. Even with questionable intent such as mine -- a chance years ago to gain free access to events and meet some athletes -- something and someone ultimately benefitted from my time and participation. Not a bad by-product of a groupie move, eh?

MY PHONY VALENTINE

Special day, that February 14th is. Not only popular for engagements and weddings, but did you know that the divorce rate surges upwards of 40% on the fated date? And countless break-ups and revenge plots, no doubt.

Opposite end of the spectrum: over-the-top advertisements, the aisles of candy hearts, rose-toting teddy bears and red and pink explosions that appear mere moments after we've only just put the ornaments away from the last holiday.

So, in this time of extremes, keep your wits about you: whether you believe Valentine's Day is a contrived consumer mechanism "celebrated" to ring registers or, an homage to some wayward saint whose history actually might be divvied up between three different priests...be smart enough to know that "love" shouldn't be delegated one single 24-hour period. (Especially one where the banks, post offices and court houses are all still open, i.e., not a holiday.)

Even greeting card giant Hallmark, who will forever be associated with creating this and other "fake" holidays (hence the phrase "Hallmark holiday"), has changed their slogan for their 2011 campaigns. They now submit that "Life is a Special Occasion." Exactly. Don't wait for a designated day to buy your girl those cold carnations in cellophane from the corner bodega. Ladies, get your guy the latest celeb-scent any day you want, so you can close your eyes, snuggle up to him and channel Diddy/Jeter/Usher/Justin. The calendar can't tell you when to express your love!

And by the same measure, be sensitive to those who do choose to observe the day -- don't let the date dictate a dastardly deed like serving divorce papers or initiating a break-up. You can do that on any given Sunday. Be kind, and don't rewind by linking it to a day that must be re-lived by your ex- every year, thanks to corporate greed and societal pressure! (Massacre, indeed.) That's just mean. (Check more anti-VDay sentiment here.)

On the real, though, without sounding preachy, just wanna remind us all to love ourselves and be kind to each other, regardless of the day. Don't wait for a holiday to give a little gift, say "I love you," or express how you feel. Every day is worthy is your love is worthy. And phony valentines: if you're with someone just to fulfill a need -- and you know what it is (sex, money, housing, cell phone bill, etc...) -- remember, it all comes back to you...

Happy Valentine's Day! (or, Happy Monday!)

LOVE ME? PLEASE LIKE ME, TOO...

Once, when I was a kid, I overheard a scolding in a supermarket: a little boy was screaming and acting

"ka-razy" in the basket; his mom was at her wits' end. After a few tight-lipped words that concluded with her grabbing some shelf item he'd tossed in the cart behind him, she grabbed his little collar and said softly: "You know, Mommy loves you, but sometimes, she really doesn't like you."

I have remembered that to this day. It horrified me to think that there could be love without liking someone! How could that be? Weren't they the same thing? As I have liked, loved and lived, I have definitely discovered the difference. While like is pure, instant, and real, love can be obligatory, forced, extreme. Like says, "I'm around you because I want to be." Love often says, "I'm around you because I have to be."

In honor of this month full of reasons to think about hearts and red and pink and sweets and gifts and flowers (or poke your eyes out at the thought of it all), I thought I'd share excerpts from one of my favorite books. "I Like You," was written by Sandol Stoddard in 1965, but the message is timeless. I have given this book to only one person, ever, who at the time I absolutely adored. I don't own a copy, as I believe that one should be gifted this simple little story in celebration or recognition of a special relationship. When I found it years ago, it was the "a-ha" moment that clearly illustrated for me, the importance of "like" in love.

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I like you

And I know why I like you because You are a good person To like I like you because When I tell you something special You know it's special And you remember it A long long time You say Remember when you told me Something special And both of us remember When I think something is important You think it's important too When I say something funny You laugh I think I'm funny and You think I'm funny too...

...If I pretend I am drowning

You pretend you are saving me If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag Then you are getting ready to jump That's because You really like me You really like me Don't you? And I really like you back And you like me back And I like you back And that's the way we keep on going Every day If you go away then I go away too Or if I stay home You send me a postcard You don't just say Well see you around Some time Bye I like you a lot because of that...

...I like you because I don't know why but Everything that happens Is nicer with you I can't remember when I didn't like you It must have been lonesome then I like you because because I forget why I like you But I do So many reasons...

...I would go on choosing you And you would go on choosing me Over and over again That's how it would happen every time I don't know why I guess I don't know why I like you really Why do I like you? I guess I just like you I guess I just like you Because I like you

A HUGE TURN OFF!

I absolutely love this...and I imagine I, too would get totally excited if a date offered to turn his phone off for me. Twenty-first century romance with "old-school" appeal. It's all about being present, aware and attentive...

TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD...

Wow...if you really want to chronicle how fast time flies, try writing a blog. It seems only a few days ago I sat wondering what I would write in the first one, back on the wagon after such a long absence. And here it is already, the last weekend in January.

Well, time does march on, and that's the whole point of this now, isn't it? What are we doing with our time? What are we discovering about ourselves and others? What connections and revelations are we making? I sincerely believe that we are a disconnected people, much more so than when my parents were coming up. And this disconnect has created void and lack within ourselves.

Apparently, Berger breaking up with Carrie on a Post-it ( a real one, yellow) was just the start of the "studio gangster" approach of communication, where we hide behind a prop to say what we won't voice in person. This month, Harper's Bazaar features a nice short article penned by Ashton Kutcher, Mr. Twitter himself. He questioned whether texting, messaging and other forms of social media are changing personal relationships, depleting the romance. While Ashton seemed to admit that there's something very revealing and humble in penning an old-fashioned letter to a crush -- grammatical and spelling errors aside -- he also championed the convenience of technology. What better way to let someone (or the entire cyberworld) know that you miss your sweetheart, mere moments after you left their side for the train? Post it on Facebook! (I'm being facetious.) I subscribe to old adages; the biblical "Love is not boastful, nor conceited, nor rude..." is more my style. I don't think it particularly necessary to post public status messages all day long to one with whom I'm involved; when I see things of this nature, I tend to think the parties are desperately trying to convince themselves of something. True love is security. But I digress. We are far too public with some things now days, including private relationships. And we have become far too flippant and brief with our words to fit the fast-frame limitations of technology. Letters and calls -- not voice mail messages: hi Brett, hi Tiger -- are more than just forms of communication, they are intimate, personal experiences. Plus, pen to paper doesn't limit you to 140 characters.

Challenge yourself to truly connect with people. If you are a serial texter, tell yourself to call a friend to arrange lunch or time at the gym this week, instead of typing off a quick message. Can't get your day started without checking into Facebook at the crack of dawn? Tomorrow, delay logging on to your favorite social site until, let's say, lunchtime. It's not likely you'll miss anything, because it's all there logged for you by the hour. In fact, you may come to appreciate this more, as you can sit and read entries that have accumulated, and learn to enjoy them without instantaneously responding to everything.

These are just small steps to re-acquaint yourself to the world...the Old World where the best you could do to find out about a crush was to gossip, not Google. The world where "booty call" actually meant a phone call; not a text at 2 a.m. that says "where r u?" (see the movie). Let's talk to each other more, so that we hear inflections in voice and tone and don't have to guess if talking in all caps really means that I'm mad or that I'm just too deft to remember to stop holding down the "up" arrow button when I type. Send real cards -- beautiful ones still exist and can be found at Hallmark, Papyrus, Kate's Paperie and other lovely retailers. Don't wait for a holiday. The US Postal Service is punishing us with rising rates for not regularly patronizing their services; throw a bone their way every now and then by surprising your Mom or BFF with a colorful mailed card. Or simply leave your significant other a sweet handwritten note tucked in a coat pocket or atop a pillow.

Don't get me wrong: I know technology is something we cannot live without, and it has improved our lives a thousandfold in a plethora of ways. But at the end of the day, I cherish more the old, yellowed love letter that falls from a forgotten novel in my storage space, than a mobile phone text message composed of abbreviations and emoticons. Classic break-ups are equally appreciated: every strained sentence, emotional tear and good-bye kiss lingers in the mind's eye so much longer than a Blackberry Messenger litany. Can you imagine "Casablanca" with a text message ending? Rhett Butler typing the SMS note: "Frankly, my darlin', I don't give a damn," in "Gone With the Wind?" Strangers pass notes; businesses send formal correspondence. If we were personal, then it is not business. If I was worth it at all, ever, talk to me...even at the end. Guess I'm just old-school.

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OK, so I just basically bashed the virtues of technology...

But, where computers, mobiles and more are not the greatest for intimate communication, they are awesome for keeping you connected with volunteer efforts and those in need! Here's a list of organizations that absolutely benefit from your fascination with the efficiency and convenience afforded by pressing buttons and their average time commitments...

While in line for a latte (1-3 minutes):

Check out Causeworld, a free app available for Android and iPhones. Causeworld works on a GPS-like platform, similar to Gowalla and Foursquare, where users "check-in" at various destinations, except here, instead of badges, "karma coins" are awarded. Collected coins can be donated to organizations of the user's choice. The actual funds have already been donated by sponsor companies such as Kraft and Proctor & Gamble; Causeworld members just tell them where to direct the donations. (And best of all -- you can share your efforts with your Facebook family! I'm being facetious again.)

While shopping on-line: (10-20 minutes):

Stop by Help A Mother Out.org (HAMO), a West-coast based on-line organization that has facilitated the donation of over half a million diapers and wipes since 2009. Recognizing the gap left by WIC, food stamps and other assistance programs that do not cover diapers, HAMO has established "wish-lists" through Amazon.com: items you choose to purchase and donate are directly shipped to the Moms in need.

On a snowed-in morning (15-60 minutes):

Join Sparked.org's "on-line volunteering" community, where you can give back when it's convenient to you. Are you awesome with fundraising or grant-writing? Can you design a website in your sleep? Do you write killer press releases for a living? Turn your professional skills and talents into free work donations for organizations that need help.