"Friends...ones we can depend on?"
You know how it goes. Classic hip-hop by Whodini. (Who? LOL) Real talk, though, have we ever considered the lyrics, the question that is posed?
Over the last few months, I've experienced quite a few episodes which have led me to examine the concept of friendship...not that I'd never pondered the premise before, but in the spirit of spring cleaning and spiritual cleansing, it was worth another look. And, clearly, many others have similarly recently felt the same...see these choice tweets and posts collected from many of my friends, followers and followees:
"Sometimes, saying sorry doesn't mean you're wrong. It means u value the friendship more than your ego." Kristine T
"...and *good friends become strangers. Word up." RF
"Rather have a real enemy than a fake friend." MR
"...I get it. Even after all the long conversations, flirty texts, flirting in person, talking 24/7, I'm just your friend." LQx
"You cannot say you've lost a friend. If a friendship is capable of ending, it is because it never really existed." Jas
"I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing." XQ
It's on our minds. It's on our hearts. It's on our nerves. I don't profess to have any answers; in fact, I won't even attempt to philosophize (is that a word?) on the subject, because it's too personal. My version could turn this blog into a diary, Debby Downer-style. But I will offer this: often we define broad concepts by what we know they absolutely are not, to help us get to what we feel they are. So, this, I know:
Friendship is NOT...
-- an opportunity
-- transactional
-- selfish, egotistical or narcissistic
-- a replacement for another relationship
-- an excuse for bad behavior
-- tolerant of jealousy, envy or other ill will
-- to be taken for granted
-- "an understanding" unless everyone indeed "understands"
As with many other words, we tend to fling around "friend" and "friendship" without really thinking. We take up with people fast and dismiss them even more quickly, often with no thought about the roles of friendships, the responsibility for the upkeep, the care and nurture. Stop and consider toxic friendships, those we perhaps have held on to for "too long," or those we pursue when we should probably just leave well enough alone. Whatever your personal belief, be it "things fall apart, and people do, too," or "if it doesn't last forever, it wasn't real," always pause to remember that what you give is a reflection of who you are, what your issues are. And nothing good can grow in distressed soil. Although it has been proven that friendships extend the life cycle, there is no better friend than the one we are to our individual selves. We have a major responsibility to our friend-self to collect people and experiences that enrich our lives, and make us feel special. So start at home.
