LEGENDS OF THE FALL

It's not a death. It's a change. A transformation. The beginning of the end of a cycle. A "clearing," if you will. And I welcome it. It's fitting that Rosh Hashanah (Hebrew for "head of the year") is a late September celebration in the Jewish faith: the start of a new year in a transformative season where one can literally witness the change of the leaves, the maturity of the harvest, the early slumber of the sun signaling shortened days, the cooler temps...all indicators that our surroundings will somehow be different.

While Spring may be linked to birth and growth, Fall personifies maturity, a readiness to learn, to adapt. School years matriculate in this period, a fresh start to learning, the commencement to the next level by casting away a layer or two. A famous ad campaign continues to question: "What becomes a legend most?" The unspoken answer: those with staying power, evolutionary prowess, reinventive ingenuity.

I am in my "clearing." I thought I was done, but I have been shown there is a little bit yet to do. More pieces and people need to fall away. I welcome the change, look forward to the lessons, and know that it is not just what I witness, but what I, too become. And I am legendary. Let's go.

"Summer is already better, but the best is autumn. It is mature, reasonable and serious, it glows moderately and not frivolously...It cools down, clears up, makes you reasonable..."

Valentin, Finnish author

You'd Kill Yourself Over Me? Gee, Thanks

"N-n-now that that don't kill me/Can only make me stronger..."

'Stronger,' Kanye West

There's this horrible disease going around; you may have heard of it. It begins with a series of symptoms that are sometimes easy to miss: fear, insecurity, lack of self-esteem or self-worth. Often, people who come down with this ailment mask it so well, one can't readily diagnose the illness, but often, like a virus, the disease spreads; a contagion that floats from one unhappy, miserable soul to another. But the irony is, the illness is borne out of the negative wishes and intent to do harm to others.

Envy, little brother to Jealousy, is a silent killer disease that is dangerous to everyone involved. Projections of self-doubt, magnifications of personal problems, the result of missed opportunities, the learned behavior of a heritage of failure and low self-esteem, are all reminders of who you aren't and who you wish to be. Think about it. And he who suffers the greatest would act on those symptoms, the one driven so mad by envy he would go out of his way to pass his disease to you. The one who has time on his hands to fabricate stories, weave tales of lies and hope for your demise surely has very little going on for himself. No job? Failed or failing relationships, marriage, parenting? Can't get a project off the ground? Financial struggles? Sounds about right. The universe has a way of balancing actions. (Uh, "karma," anyone?)

What kind of person makes themselves ill in this manner? Why want what others have anyway? Other's destinies are rewards and results of their lot, whether by chance, by prayer, by sweat, or perhaps by means that they themselves will answer to at another time. The trappings of success, beauty, wealth and even love are very specific to individuals. Just because that guy’s fashion line is successful, doesn’t mean yours would be, even in the same market. That girl’s nose on you would not guarantee you the cover of the magazine. Money is funny – not everyone gains or spends it with the same results. And love, well love is the tricky one. If one is envious of a situation, be it a romantic relationship, a marriage, a friendship or family, we completely miss the point of those situations: all are built on love. Jealousy and envy are not loving emotions, so the more one expresses negative action towards loving concepts, the farther away one places himself from just that ideal. In short, the negativity behind jealousy and envy backfires, with the intended target not the only victim.

So, hate on, hater. I guess since you would commit suicide over me proves you actually love me. Damn, I'm flattered.

"Fortunate is the One who has learned to admire, but not to envy."

-- Unknown, quoted as a Ramadan blessing

A LOVE SUPREME?

Wow, what a run the last 30 days or so has been. Where I started out the year trying to live in truth and in the light; in humility and in service, as usual, someone sees it fit to throw their wrench into my works. In my mind, I have crashed my car into the offenders and run them straight over. I have rang their doorbell, only to have them answer and I rush in and tackle them to the floor, beating them senseless. In one of my best mind-revenge plots, I set fire to their house while standing laughing on the lawn. But, alas, I have no time for jail time, so those scenarios remain unplayed, unrehearsed, even. Rather, in dealing with the circumstances, I have looked to land here, and tell my tale in sarcastic, caustic tone, to vent the emotions. Many times, my fingers landed on the letters to make up the words, phrases and sentences to describe the characters and their traits, but in doing so, my digits made clamor, the tips hurt...I struck the Mac Air keys with such angry force, I startled myself.

You can't do this. This is not how you said you'd live. He who asks for protection cannot fight another's. Literally, it came to me in the last hour of my birthday: a beloved book fell from the shelf. When I reached to pick it up, my fingers grasped the dog-eared page that was a message I desperately needed to hear.

From Iyanla Van Zant's Acts of Faith:

The moment we have a negative experience, we get stuck in what was done and how it was done to us. We must learn not to take life so personally. People are not really out to get us. Events are not waiting to befall us. We are all moving to get where we want to be. As a result, we will sometimes step on each others' toes. When we find ourselves in a conflict or confrontation we must know how to love ourselves out of it. Love means recognizing fear as an operand condition that sometimes makes us do and say things we really don't mean. Love means opening our hearts and minds to our best, regardless of what is going on. Love means not attacking, but supporting, not defending, but seeking clarity. Love means knowing that, in the end, we will all be okay even if it means we have to give up a little of something. Let us learn to give up anger and fear by replacing those things with love.

--I am loving you and me out of this situation.

On this day, the summer solstice, I give all the faith I have unto my love, my love supreme, to guide me out and away from the situations, scenes and swindlers who continue to try to steal my joy. And you should do the same.

USE 'EM (OR LOSE 'EM!)

We’ve roughly 100 days of this concept called “summer,” so while spontaneity is sexy, sometimes it’s best to plan ahead. iCandy wants to help with this little guide (below) to some choice events and awesome photo ops in and around the NYC/ NJ /PHL /DC area on the radar from May through September. By no means complete, it can serve as a reminder to check for other updates to come, like Brooklyn’s Wingate Park (terminally slow with their info) and Good Morning America’s concert series in Central Park (they dropped names -- Beyonce, MJB, JHud, Nicki Minaj -- but no dates yet). To keep it tight, no hyperlinks were added, but Google any event listed here with the date, or check the web addresses included on some calendars at the bottom, and you’re sure to get all the details you need. We concentrated on mostly music concerts and mostly FREE events (unless you see “$”), so there’s NO excuse to get yo' azz up, throw on your fresh gear (cuz broke/cheap folk are usually the flyest), and post at some of these spots! Memories are made of such moves…Happy 100.

KEEPIN' IT "ONE HUNN'ED"

LET'S SEE YOUR DIRTY BIT

Spring is trying it's best to get into a groove, at least in some parts of the country. 'Tis the season: Baby showers. Proms. Graduations. And our favorite, weddings. Although we suspect few people are as creative and talented as this couple (word is that they are both graphic artists for NBC), wouldn't it be a blast to film other events of your life like this, flash-mob style? There's actually a company in Miami that you can pay to follow you around like the paparazzi and shoot pics and video. Most people do the obvious, like clubbing and limo-hopping. Don't laugh -- you'd do it in a second with some throw-away money. But switch it up: take the film crew along when you hit the gym, drop the kids at soccer practice or stroll the aisles at the supermarket.

The point is, we should all be stars in our own videos, everyday. The fact that these folks turned their wedding into a full production - in more ways than one - is a testament to their relationship. They took the drama out of the day and had fun with it. We can do the same. So toss your hair just a bit when you chat up the salesclerk. Strike a pose at the bus stop while wearing your sexy sunshades. Lick your lips LL-style while primping in the mirror. The confidence you gain by feeling as though "you're on," in your "dirty bit" mode will be worth every second. Then laugh and get over yourself. Repeat often. And have the time of your life.